Thor, turning to Tony: He says this stupid damn city needs more flowers and pollen-bearing plants because you’re making him have to work a 16-hour shift every day just to feed his wife and kids
Tony: What the fuck Thor we’ve talked about this
Dog: *Bark bark bark*
Thor, sternly: No, Captain America’s pants are not fit for consumption
Steve, with no idea that Thor can speak dog: ???!?!????!!!??
Fly: *hums*
Thor, leaping from his chair: Oh what the FUCK did you say about my hair?? Oh you want to fuckign go do you?? Is that what you fucking want??? Well Step the FUCK UP then you stupid ass buzzy BITCH *summons lightning*
DUM-E: *Beep boops*
Thor, patting Tony on the back: well done my friend
Tony: For what?
Thor: Your robot is telling me all about how well his dad oiled up his joints this morning and keeps saying ‘I love him’ on repeat. He has been doing this for an hour.
Tony, immediately tearing up: oh my fucking god Thor
So I used to have a Russian friend who had a pretty thick accent and like a lot of Russians tended to eschew articles. She would say things like “Get in car.” And stuff.
Well one day this asshole who had been kind of tagging along with us asks her why she talks like that because it makes her sound dumb and I still remember her response word for word.
“Me? Dumb? Maybe in America you have to say get in THE car because you are so stupid that people might just get in random car, but in Russia we don’t need to say that. We just fucking know because we are not stupid.”
One time I was proof reading a paper for a Russian student. As I was correcting her paper with her, the many mistakes in her grammar started weighing on her. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, almost sobbing,
“In Russian I am so intelligent and clear. In English I am like [an] idiot”
Respect to anyone trying to master a foreign language. I get so sad thinking about that student.
Full offense but people who make fun of someone else’s accent or belittle their limited vocabulary when they’re speaking a language not native to them are fucking disgusting and are just begging to be punched.
They’re speaking your language because you don’t know theirs. That’s not something they should be made fun of, it’s something that should be commended because learning a language is hard fucking work.
-it’s not very popular as a whole but a single song featuring Jasper on the banjo titled “Yeehaw and Yippie Ki Yay Bitch” goes viral
-it’s actually a banger and one night while they’re out they hear it in a club and they lose their minds
-they start blasting it in the house constantly because “it’s art you guys” and Edward stays in a hotel for a month until they agree to stop
-it’s actually gets so popular at a local club that Emmett and Jacob are invited to be guest bartenders for the night
-Jacob is actually pretty good but Emmett has never made a drink in his life so he’s just going off whether or not the color is pretty. He gets too creative and adds dish soap.
-They call it the Banjo Beatdrop and it becomes the new eating tidepods-like trend
More post breaking dawn Jacob and Emmett BFF headcanons:
-Jacob gets hurt A LOT. One day Emmett brings him home with two broken legs and Bella’s like “what happened?” And Emmett’s like “I dared him to jump off a really big cliff do you want to see the video?”
-they have a Sick Stuntz youtube channel where they do shit like hitting each other with Emmett’s Jeep at full speed
-every week Jacob does an episode of PIMP UR BIKE and Emmett is in the background of every shot dabbing and doing push-ups
-Jasper somehow got stuck with being their camera man and sometimes it cuts to him just sadly shaking his head
Poverty charges interests. Can’t pay to clean your teeth now? pay more for a root canal next year. Can’t pay for a new mattress now? pay for back treatment next year. Can’t pay to get that lump checked out now? Pay for stage 3 cancer next year.
valar apologist 