– i was undercover
– i was on a stakeout
– someone rerouted the d train through an alternate dimension and i only just got back
– the hulk fell asleep while hugging me and i couldnt free myself
– i walked by the baxter building at the wrong moment and got warped into a spacetime pocket ps i know how to use a lasso now
– i got kidnapped by dinosaur scientists from another planet
– i got turned into a houseplant
– tony blew something up in his lab and the whole tower went into lockdown so ive been stuck in the elevator for the last six hours now please god let me use the restroom
– turns out those new ice arrows have a bit of a hair trigger and i had to wait for natasha to stop laughing so she could operate the hairdryer and melt me free
– i was dead at the time
– i was on the moon with steve
i haven’t even accused you of anything yet
hawkeyes list of plausible alibis
Published
valar apologist 