watching my entire dash one by one tumble headfirst into being absolutely breathtakingly horny on main for Venom isn’t the fall mood I was expecting but it sure as fuck is the one we deserve
So i went on a date to a haunted house and made friends with the girls behind us. As we’re going through, one of them is holding my hand and a guy leaps out and separates us. I panic as my date is pulling me along, I reach back for her and grab her hand in a group of three other performers and start getting out if there. After a bit I look back to check on her and I discover I’m holding the hand of a six foot tall zombie creature and not a 5’2" girl.
Cue the most terrifying realization of my life.
I had basically kidnapped this performer from his section and abandoned the girl and her friend behind us.
Yes, I screamed. My date thought it was Hilarious.
Yes, we found the girls. Turns out when I grabbed the performers hand, he grabbed theirs so our group wouldn’t be separated. So there was just this zombie in the middle of our group line for like fifty feet
Peter, v-logging with his phone camera: Hi I’m Spi- I mean, Peter Parker, and today we’re going to witness firsthand people’s reactions after they’re told they have big dick energy. Let’s go!
Peter: What’s up, Thor. Dude, I just wanted you to know that you radiate big dick energy today.
Thor: God of thunder in the streets, god of big dick in the sheets, I suppose.
Peter, checking to see if he’s still recording then proceeding to give a thumbs up: I stan so hard. Legends only.
Peter, bumping into Steve reading the paper: Cap! Ah, have a moment? Word on the street is that you have big dick energy. Thoughts?
Steve, choking on his coffee: I-I guess the serum did have… its effects…
Peter: Oh my god.
Peter, finding Bucky watering flowers: Hey, man. Love what you did with your hair today, may I enlighten you on the fact that you have, putting it modestly, very big dick energy?
Bucky, looking into the camera like he’s on the office: …Parker what the hell.
Peter, breaking into the sanctum: Wow doctor, looks like you got a super serious case of chronic big dick energy there.
Strange:Listen. There’s kinetic, potential, thermal, chemical, electrical, even the vague concept of dark energy. But there is no big dick or whatever you just—
Peter: You’re no fun.
Peter, after buying a plane ticket and flying to Wakanda unsupervised: As king and black panther, your highness, your reign is supreme and so is your big dick energy.
T’challa, amidst a breakdown: Noo!!! Stop!! You and Shuri, I am begging you, please, I have no idea what that means!!!!
Peter, approaching Tony relaxing on a lounge chair: Now for The Man. The one and only, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Mr. Stark, are you aware you have big dick energy?
Tony, lowering his shades: Kid, I invented big dick energy.
valar apologist 