systlin:

wodneswynn:

In today’s edition of The Straights Are Not Okay:

Way back before I ever came out as trans (future historians will refer to this era as the Dude Years), I was always really open about being bisexual. Well, back in like 2013 I think it was, I discovered that the group I was rolling with at that time were convinced that I was actually straight and was pretending to be bi as some sort of elaborate joke. I swear to God.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with the phenomenon known as “gay chicken,” but this is when two Straights gradually increase their level of physical contact until one of them becomes uncomfortable and tells the other to stop, at which point the other Straight is said to have “won.” So we’re at the house, and I’m standin around doin my thing, and this dude comes up behind me and starts grinding on my ass. I gathered that I had become roped into this strange ritual.

“We’re playing gay chicken right now, aren’t we?” I sez, not turning around.

“Yeah,” he says.

“You know I’m bisexual, right?” I sez.

And this scraggly motherfucker *laughed.* I swear to God.

So I sez, “Alright, drop your pants.”

To which he responds, Whuuuuuh???“

“Or we can go inside if it’ll make you more comfortable. Go ahead, drop your pants and stick your dick in my mouth.”

I swear to God that man looked at me as though I’d just shown him some kinda dark eldritch secret unfit for the mind of man and he backed up and walked away real slow like I were a rattlesnake. And tbh I mark that as the day our friendship ended.

This is fucking beautiful.