theauspolchronicles:

Lyle Shelton has quit the Australian Christian Lobby (yay) but then unfortunately announced he’ll run for federal politics (boo).

The infamous homophobe has long since been interfering with other people’s lives and now is trying to take it up a notch.

“Critics are quick to point out that I lie through my teeth, I’m out of touch with the real world, and I prefer damaging and unfounded ideas over evidence and basic human empathy… and so naturally of course I want to be a politician,” said the walking sack of shit masquerading as a person.

“I want to take my special brand of Asshole™ to parliament,” said the well known ideologue. “For too long have we been creating increasing protections for marginalised groups and that’s the antithesis of who I am as a person.”

It’s understood that Lyle will make a joint announcement with Cory “dick trump mcfuckface” Bernardi soon. Perhaps the two will unite politically so that they don’t feel so painfully alone in the cold vast wastelands of The Fucking Past, where they live in perpetual stasis, flailing ineffectively against the march of progress and rising prevalence of empathy towards other human beings in today’s society.