So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia
Words cannot express how much I love these posts
Alien species stare at us openly when we talk about what conditions are like on Earth.
“… you need to leave that planet. Now. You’re not safe there.”
“Your planet is the most hostile planet in the entire sector.”
“What?”
“Your planet’s extreme atmospheric disturbances, rapid temperature fluctuations, and hostile wildlife… It’s a miracle you survived.”
“Oh, so like Australia?”
“What is… Australia?”
“A place on Earth.”
“You have a terrestrial equivalent to your planet on your planet itself? Surely something so terrible cannot exist!”
“It’s an alright place, mate; I live there.”
“[faints]”There’s oxygen there! It causes fires!
alien “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!”
human “thats a dog”
alien “ITS A MURDERMACHINE!”
human “its a fucking corgi, we made dogs from wolves”
alien “what are wolves?”
human “even scarier dogs, we trained them too”
alien *faints*
alien “let me get this straight… you put harmful chemicals… if your food… on PURPOSE?!”
human “they taste good”
alien “THEY BURN THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH!”
human “they taste good”
alien “this planet rains glass sideways, we cant live here”
human “well if we just build a biodome we can”
alien “no i dont thing you understand, its rains glass sideways”
human “then we’ll make sure not to open a window”
Humans Are Weird
Published
valar apologist 