Visiting new people when the cultural expectations of host/guest dynamics are unclear is always… interesting. What constitutes good manners to you might seem incredibly weird to someone else. I grew up with pretty rigid formality as the default, on top of a layer of inherent social awkwardness. When I started visiting friends at their own apartments, I would stand until and unless I was invited to sit, and – once – prepared to spend the night lying on the floor near the door because my host had not clarified whether or not I was expected to sleep on the couch.
How does the invitation to “make yourself at home” fit in? Does it count as an invitation to sit?
Yes, generally, though I’ve rarely heard young people use the phrase. I just need some kind of clear invitation that I’m welcome to relax.
It was considered EXTREMELY rude guest manners to clean up after yourself when I was growing up and it never dawned on me it’d be otherwise elsewhere. Like you are insulting your host’s home-making skills and good intentions by usurping chores.
I distinctly recall being dis-invited to visit a family member because last time I was there I had washed my own plate rather than leaving it in the sink ‘cause that’s what we did at home. I had to go stay at my friend’s house while everyone else went to visit with family cause my ass was literally not invited to come.
So a decade later all my friends just think I’m a rude ass guest who won’t clean up after herself because I assume my making a bed would step on the toes of their good hosting and omfg, just please be clear with people you invite to your homes. I’ll do housework, or not, it doesn’t matter to me just let me know.
THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO
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valar apologist 