Idk wtf im supposed to do. Im 18 going on 19 and arospec. The other day my mum made a joke that ten years I could be married & i just want to cry.Its always been so simple for me -I wanted a husband,2.5 kids.Then I discovered i was queer & prefered girl. And, most hard to deal with, Arospec. I still want a partner, I still want that special connection, but I don’t feel it and still i feel like a failure bc i dont when everyone expect me to. How do u tell ur famoly ur not normal? I feel so lost

aro-positivity:

yeah. me, too. 

i remember i was little and all i thought i wanted was the house in the suburbs with the white picket fence. i’d daydream about it, in my head. two little kids running in circles. a husband. but the husband was always faceless, the kids were always screaming, and when i tried to pull the whole thing together, with me in the center, i kept losing focus.

realizing you’re queer when the expectations you grew up with are completely incompatible with that is hard. realizing you’re arospec is even harder, given the amatonormative world we live in.

a teacher of mine had us do a talking circle on the last day of school. she said, “in ten years, most of you will have graduated college. you’ll be working. you might even be married!” and this hit me so hard, and so viscerally, because it was the moment that it really struck home, that i couldn’t have that childish daydream. that my days of “when i have kids i’m gonna—” were over.

i actually haven’t told my own parents. it’s hard. it’s hard to feel like you’re disappointing them when your mom gives you a side-eye because she wants grandkids so bad and you know that, because of who you are, you can never give them to her. everyone expects that you’ll be in a relationship. that you’ll get married. it’s a fact of life now, a part of growing up, a blink of the eye. normal. i haven’t told my parents because if i do tell them, they’ll brush it off as me being a disillusioned teenager. i’m too young to know my future. i’ve heard it all before, when i told them i was gay.

and the famed “special connection.” personally i’ve always thought that was a load of bull. the butterflies in my stomach were dead. the firework squad didn’t show up, and someone forgot to hire the string quartet that’s supposed to be playing in the background. (you should actually look into bellusromantic-ism, that’s when you want a relationship or typical relationship activities but are aro.)

what’s the point of all this? i guess… to show you that you aren’t alone. that your experiences are shared. that, no matter what, and how you feel, the aro community at large has your back, because we’ve all been there. i don’t know what to do either. i feel lost and confused all the time. but it’s a little easier knowing that i’m not the only one out there who feels that way. who doesn’t know how to tell their parents. who wants a partner but can’t fall in love the way society dictates we should. 

you’re lost right now. and you’re probably gonna be lost for a little while. but you’re not the only one who’s lost, and we can all be lost together until we find the roads that lead to home.