last night I was denouncing some forgettable shitbag to my girlfriend and said “even the ground wouldn’t want him to rot in it” and was instantly projected into the body of a gnarled old irish woman 200 years ago, spinning thread and spitting on the ground as I bitch and look out to sea.
I got curious and looked shit up here’s some old Irish curses:
Sorrow betide you
May you may be badly positioned on a windy day
My cat’s curse upon you
May the Devil will make a ladder out of your spine
Strife and stress upon you [ngl cursing someone with anxiety is nasty]
May you burn and be severely injured
I hope you die without a priest
Weariness of heart upon you [depression is also a nasty curse!]
May you not see the morning
May you be a load for four [pallbearers] before the year is out
The crow’s curse upon you
Pissmires [ants] and spiders be in your marriage bed
May the lamb of God stir his hoof through the roof and kick your arse down to hell
Six horseloads of graveyard clay upon you
May you have red diarrhoea
May your cat eat you and the devil eat the cat
May you marry a wretch that blows wind [farts] like a stone from a sling
May you find the bees but not the honey
May you have the runs on your wedding night
May you never have a hearth to call your own [did someone hit our entire generation with this?]
May the devil take your last shilling
May the devil cut your head off you and make a day’s work of your neck [I am… pretty sure that means use your neck as an outhouse]
May the devil swallow you sideways
May you be afflicted with an itch and have no nails to scratch with
And one tumblr already seems to know: May you be shamed and disgraced
and lastly, my favorite: May your obituary be written in weasel’s piss
Published
valar apologist 